Week 28: Ugly Cry Time!

Quick Recap: 151lbs (up 26). Belly measures: 38 inches around. Retaining water like a mofo. Crotch is still broken. Stroller drama.

Peanut's Progression: 15 inches 2.25lbs. Brain is developing more tissue. Has more defined sleep patterns in 20-30 intervals.

Feeling Fat + Being Pregnant = Ugly Cry While Using Excess Amounts of Body Butter

One of the best things about my 2nd trimester (which Steve will probably also agree with) has been my stable emotions. I hardly ever have mood swings anymore and when I do they aren't the completely irrational clinically insane kind. Well, that is until this week.

Monday was a long day. I MC'd an event and spent a lot of the day on my feet in heels. Little did I know, that was the beginning of the end. The days I spend more time standing, my broken crotch acts up and is more painful so a nice warm bath was exactly what I needed to help me relax. Except that wasn't quite the result.

Sure, initially it was lovely. Warm water relaxing my muscles. Closing my eyes and enjoying a moment of silence and then... Then. I opened my eyes and saw it! Or rather saw what was no longer there. My feet and ankles had swelled to epic proportions. They may as well be mammoth feet! I feel sorry for my neighbours beneath us, because these beasts must make quite the racket.

That was only the beginning. I managed to enjoy the rest of my "relaxing" bath, albeit the whole time scrutinizing my fluffy footsies. As they say, all good things must come to an end. And it sure came to a screeching halt when I got out of the tub. I began my routine of lotioning up and let me tell you. DO NOT INSPECT YOUR THIGHS! I took one look at those buggers and burst into tears. Who thought a couple extra inches on your legs could cause such a fuss.

Just picture it... I'm sobbing, and we're talking full on ugly cry here folks. But still I continue to slather on the body butter. Just a hot mess. I pulled myself together but instantly fell apart again when Steve came home and asked if I was ok. Thinking back, my smeared mascara, blood shot puffy eyes and snotty nose probably gave me away. I was pure sexy in that moment.


Where Are All The Strollers!?

I've had my eye on a specific stroller for a while now. It's affordable ($130) and is compatible with our carseat (without an adapter). In the past few weeks I've started feeling a sense of urgency to get the stroller. A major case of FOMO (fear of missing out). I concluded, it would be silly to buy a stroller before we move because it is just one more thing to move and who wants that!

I do! I want that! I want that stroller!!!!

Well we moved in and went off to Walmart to buy the stroller, we are casually strolling to the back of the store to the baby section, I am getting excited to look at it and finally buy it. We round a corner and BAM! I am left with my mouth gaping open. EVERY. SINGLE. STROLLER.  Gone!!!! No where to be found. GONE GONE GONE!

Frantically I find the first salesperson I can get my hands on and as calmly as possible (which probably sounded more like I was about to have a breakdown) say "ummmm excuse me.... where are the strollers? Did they get moved?" She respsonds with "They are all sold"

WHAT!? How can they ALL be sold!? Why doesn't she seem as panicked as I do!? Doesn't she realize my baby will not survive without this exact stroller!? Life as I know it is over! I'm never going to find that stroller again. I'm going to HAVE to drop more cash to find one even remotely suitable. Seriously, why isn't she worried that they have ZERO strollers. She hates children, she hates my baby.

Then she proceeds to tell me they are waiting for the 2014 stock and they don't know when they will come in. So in essence she is telling me that I'm going to give birth before they get stock. PANIC PANIC PANIC.

Steve squashed my near meltdown reassuring me that we will find another stroller, there are plenty of Walmarts. Since I don't want to guess when they will get new stock we are planning to go to the states and buy our stroller there. God help me if we get there and they are out of stock too!

***** UPDATE *****

After posting this entry a friend on Facebook found the stroller I was looking for on a local swap group. I ended up getting the model I wanted, in neutral colours for only $25! Its in great shape and only needs one minor fix to a tire (which will cost $10 max). We still went to the states to pick up other items and ended up seeing that the Bellingham location of Walmart had ZERO 3 wheel strollers so thank goodness for Facebook swaps!

Week 20 - Half Way!

Quick Recap: Officially half way through. LOTS of kicking. More mood swings. Skin continues to clear.

Peanut's Progression: 6.5 inches long. 10 ounces. Starting digestion. Covered in vernix to protect the skin.

Our Ultrasound

Easily the most amazing moment so far. Almost an hour of watching our baby move and wiggle. We won't get confirmation from our doctor until next week that everything looks as it should but as far as I'm concerned our baby is perfect!

Some of my favourite moments were:
- watching the heart pump and seeing the little arms flail around
- seeing the perfect outline of the feet. Just so cool to see these tiny feet with cute little toes!
- looking at the profile and seeing the baby practice sucking, swallowing bits of amniotic fluid.

We went to MedRay in Coquitlam and they were just excellent! Our tech, Victoria, was so lovely. Very kind and appreciative of how special the moment is for us. The clinic itself is clean and nicely modeled. Even the reception staff are very nice. They also provide a few photos for free :)

Mood Swings

I'd rather not re-live me losing my mind this week but I must admit I lost all control of my emotions. A completely out of character freak out. I won’t divulge the details but it involved some serious yelling and hysterical crying.  Hopefully I got it out of my system because in the days since that freak out I have been happy go lucky normal me!

We are now officially closer to the end than the beginning... so crazy!

Week 18 - Clinically Insane I'm Sure

Taken minutes apart, totally different looking belly

Quick Recap: Mood swings are back. 10lbs up. All maternity clothes all the time. Baby is crazy active before bed. Skin is the best its been, and yet my doctor notices the acne for the first time!? WTF


Peanut's Progression: Almost 6 inches long. 6.5 ounces (about the weight of a chicken breast). Bones are hardening. Can yawn now. Nerves are making connections especially the senses (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching)


You Sure I'm Not Clinically Insane?

When looking up insane and irrational in the dictionary my face is now officially pictured beside the definition. The majority of this week was "normal" but my moments of insanity were off the charts.

I dare you to try and find logic in these two instances: 

1) I woke up stiff from sleeping in one spot too long. Even after shifting to the other side I was uncomfortable. So what do I do? Almost burst into tears because its the worst thing ever! WHY OH WHY at 28 years old do my hips ache like I'm 80!? And WHY is Steve taking up 40% of the bed! I mean talk about a bed hog! And this damn body pillow! Could it take up any more real estate? Wait, no. I'm sorry pillow, I love you. Oh and Steve... yes I love Steve too. Cooper (our cat) thinks this is a perfect time to walk up and stand on my sore hip. I'm immediately even more upset until moments later I realize it is actually helping. Smart kitty.

2) After a normal shift at work, no annoying callers, no major mistakes, I head home and the moment I walk in the door everything begins to irritate me. Like EVERYTHING! My internal thoughts included (but are not limited to) "why are the boys home right now" "No, why is he leaving me to go to the gym" "what is wrong with this water" "could these 5 minute fries cook any slower" "SHUT UP fire alarm! I'm NOT burning dinner" "Where is the hammer, this fire alarm must die"

Yet Another New Name 

In the past week our little babe has become very active and strong! Without fail, during my shifts at work I will feel little shifts and kicks here and there. Then at night, as soon as the lights go out, it's party time! All that wiggling has brought on a new nick name... Wiggles!

Tuesday night Wiggles was particularly wiggly (notably after 2 bowls of gelato). 10 minutes of constant kicking, punching and back flips. I could feel the movements in so many places I have actually started to worry there is a party of two in there.... Oh... My... Gawd... That will be a whole new level of freakout if we find out its twins. But it couldn't be. Right!? I mean there are no twins in our families. The 1st ultrasound only showed one baby. Our doctor has only ever found one heart beat... Right!? It can't be twins RIGHT!? Please someone talk me down from this ledge!

Most Magical Sound

I caught the baby's kick on video this week and although I share A LOT on social media, I also think we share too much. Too many intimate moments become public moments and lose their "specialness". So with that being sad, I've decided not to share the baby kick video. That is a special moment for only those closest to me.

However!!! I do want to share with you the "whomp whomp whomp" sound I described in Week 13. It's not super clear but you can hear the heartbeat behind the clicking noises. Ahhh I've listened to this clip too many times to count, just the most amazing thing!



2 weeks to the halfway mark and only days till we get to see our lil wiggles again!

Week 16: Fat jokes ALREADY!?

OMG OMG OMG this cannot wait for its own section!

I can feel our little miracle move! Last week at yoga (which was much better this time around btw) my Mom told me she felt me move around 16 weeks. I thought it was going to take much longer so I quickly became OBSESSED with feeling the baby flutters. I poked my belly intentionally to try and make Peanut wiggle just so I could see if I can feel it.

A few nights during the week I thought I felt some new movements/feelings but wasn't always sure. Then after the gym I DEFINITELY felt it! I was driving home and felt a distinct long flutter in my abdomen, too low to be mistaken for tummy gurgles. Wow! I mean he/she must have been doing a backflip it felt so neat! Ahhh just typing this makes me so excited to feel that little flutter again! Amazing!

***NEW FEATURE*** 
Peanut's Progression: About 4.5 inches long (from head to bum). Weighs about 3 ounces. Ears are functioning, meaning he/she can hear my terrible singing. Has eyebrows and eye lashes.

Quick Recap: Still occasional headaches. Pants are getting tight. Nasal congestion. Back in the gym! Much less moody.


Fat jokes... ALREADY!?!:

Part of me didn't want to post this as it seems to just attract the attention the poster was looking for but it's also a super common problem for pregnant women and it deserves a discussion.

This week I posted the photo on the left on my Facebook page and it got this comment from a man "OMG you are huge! We should get you a country radio station and call you big rig"

WTF is wrong with you. That is a joke!? Weight is already an issue for almost every woman out there and now you want to tell a pregnant one who isn't even half way through that she is huge?! Fuck you. And to top it off, after telling him that it is a terrible thing to say to a pregnant woman, he tells me to "calm your hormones".

Too many friends have shared with me the "big" "huge" "large" comments men (I'm sure women have done it too) have made directly to them during their pregnancy.  Do NOT by any means describe a pregnant woman using an adjective that could mean big, ever. Instead stick with the safe and polite comment "Congratulations! You look great!" Done and done, everyone leaves the situation happy and you can comment to your friends later about how you think she looks like a blimp.

Although the commenter on my Facebook page would never know, his timing was actually terrible which brings me to the next topic....

Gym insecurities:

The same day that "big rig" comment was made I had my first gym workout since my belly has popped and my dizziness has subsided. It was good and bad. Good because I finally had energy to get through a whole workout without being lightheaded or really out of breath, and I even had energy for the rest of the day. Bad because it brought up a whole new level of body issues. Hence why the fat joke was really bad timing.

When I got pregnant I was at my physical fitness peak. I was the girl in the gym that could lift with the boys. When at my ladies only gym, I used the heaviest available weights and was proud of it, in fact sometimes frustrated that I didn't have access to heavier weights. First world problems, I know. So, instead of flashing my toned legs in shorts, and my flat abs in a tight tank, I wore my comfy and stretched out Lululemons, a t-shirt and a hoodie.

It was a strange battle in my mind, at first I was excited to show off my bump but then it halted with the thought that other people may not know its a baby. Maybe they think I'm at the gym because I love donuts too much. These thoughts only got worse as I found myself unable to push myself physically. I was the lazy girl at the gym, who wasn't working hard enough to see results. I made every effort to push my tummy out more to make it CLEAR it was a tiny human miracle and not a Krispy Kreme... or 10.

Thankfully these thoughts don't arise on many occasions but it sure showed me how much insecurity I really do have and how tough this process really can be. It's not just the realizations that you are going to be a Mom (which in itself is more than enough to handle) but its also coping with your physical changes and accepting your new body for the miraculous human growing machine that it is.


I'm aware that this weeks entry wasn't the most upbeat with the negative weight comment and my insecurities at the gym but I suppose in a way it reflects the true nature of pregnancy. One minute you are on top of the world and the very next moment one simple thing can ruin that feeling. A happy week 17 here we come!

Week 15: I Am One Moody Foodie!

One of many future prego selfies

You know whats amazing about being pregnant? The love and support you receive from other pregnant women and Moms. There is a lot of judgement amongst women but I'm learning quickly there is MORE love! A big thank you to everyone who has sent a supportive and caring message to me. I so appreciate you taking the time to read my blog and send me loving messages about your experiences and your words of support through the tougher days.

Quick Recap: Bump is back, and I'm starting to love it. Energetic but moody. Still rockin some acne but not nearly as bad. Abs are officially MIA.

Peanut's Progression: About 3.5 - 4 inches long. About 2.5 ounces in weight. Praciting breathing and sucking.  Kicking and wiggling around. Ears are in the right spot.


I'm a proverbial swing set, moooody!

Holy wow am I ever moody! Tuesday: every word out of anyones mouth made me irritated and I was very easily frustrated. Wednesday: LOVING life. Happiest person ever. Loved my bump and dressed it up accordingly (see photo) but then on the way home from work I spent the whole car ride in a full fledged ugly cry listening to my Luke Bryan album. Thursday: wake up feeling playful but it quickly slides downhill when I eat my PB and toast, "WHY do I need to chew this bite 500 times just to swallow it!? I don't have time for this!!!" Yep, that was my actual thought process. Thankfully I have the most patient and supportive partner ever! He never stoops to my crazy level, instead he just speaks calmly and lets me have my moment of insanity praying it will pass soon.

Food!!! Oh how I love thee!

HELLOOO appetite! YES! Finally, I have my normal appetite back, I'm not talking quantities, I'm talking variety. I'm back to having complete meals with protein, veggies and whole grains. I'm glad to know the apps were right when they said you will make up for lack of nutrition later on in pregnancy when your morning sickness subsides. Oddly enough I can walk past the candy aisle and the sour keys no problem now.

Yoga

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a huge lover of yoga. I try to practice regularly and love to challenge myself with new inversions, like these. Being pregnant means you need to adjust your practice. Things like the direction you twist and avoiding work on your stomach are the most common adjustments. For me, I can no longer perform back bends the way I used to. It's as though my abs seize and I can only stretch about 1/3 of the way. Gone are the days of bribing Steven to take endless photos or video of me being bendy.

I'm having to really shift my expectations for my yoga classes, and in fact do what the teachers always tell you to "just be, don't have any expectations". I find myself frustrated after class because I can't do things the way I used to. Thursday nights are now officially my yoga night with Mom so tonight I will be practicing acceptance of my new capabilities. 

Colostrum

For you sensitive folk that don't enjoy my "tell it like it is approach" to the physical changes occurring you can stop reading now. Consider yourself warned.

I was shocked to read in my apps that around week 14 my baby feeders would start producing colostrum. All I could think was "Wow! This soon?" and then it was immediately followed by "Hmmm I wonder if I just...." Yup, if you say I can do something you better believe I'm going to try. Sure enough during a nice warm bath I managed to express some. My face must have been priceless. They work! They totally work!!!

Of course I couldn't keep this news to myself, I text one of my close Mom friends and she had a good laugh with me. Then when Steve came home I prefaced my comment with "You're going to think I'm weird but...". The best part was his reaction. He high fived me and exclaimed "Right on! Atta girl!" HAHA


Anxiously awaiting that first flutter of movement and counting down to the half way mark... 5 weeks left