Week 22: Writers Block

Quick Recap: I'm an eating machine. Up 3 inches on both my boobs and butt. Waist (around belly button) is about 34 inches (pre-pregnancy was about 27) Weighing in at 141lbs. Back pain continues. Haven't gotten a new pimple all week!!

Peanut's Progression: Weighs 1 whole pound! 11 inches long. Can sense touch now.

Writer's Block and Too Much Attention

I don't know if it was the craziness of the holidays this week or perhaps a self induced sugar coma from all the cookies and chocolate but I'm having a hard time writing an entry for this week.

Nothing really major happened this week. No weight gain like last week. No bad news from doctors. The only thing even worth mentioning is my coping with the added attention from family dinners.

For the majority of my family (and Steve's) this was the first time they have seen me since I announced we were expecting. Of course, they are incredibly excited and made a lot of comments about my shape. I am so grateful that we have a supportive family and group of friends but it can become a bit overwhelming at times when people are consumed by your belly, especially when you are still a bit self conscious of it.

It's a very odd sensation for me to feel awkward with all the attention. As an only child, and a major extrovert, I've always craved attention and now I tend to shy away from it. Just another hormonal shift I'm sure.


Post Pregnancy Project:

OK, this scares me but I also think its a great thing to share to help all women post pregnancy. As of this moment I am committed to sharing my physical transformation from pre baby, pregnant and post baby. 

My plan is to show photo progression of my stomach. I will take a photo daily after I give birth for the first week and then every couple of days to show how the body really recovers post birth. I think its an important thing for women to be able to see how REAL Mom's and NOT celebs recover and gain their body back. I will also include all my exercise and diet habits.

Likely I will continue to post on a weekly basis because let's be real, I will not have the time or energy to post daily and you don't need a daily update on my stomach!


Hmmm that didn't turn out so bad for having a mental block :)

Week 21 - Unsettling Ultrasound Results

Quick Recap: Up 17 lbs, not really sure where it's hiding though. Fighting off a cold without meds. Coping much better being the DD. Back pain.

Peanut's Progression: 10.5 inches long, a banana. 12.7 ounces. Sleeps 12 - 14 hours a day. Swallows amniotic fluid and can taste differences in diet. Lots of wiggle room still.

Ultrasound Results Are In! 

Well the good news is everything with our baby is normal. All of the organs look good and there are no problems. The bad news is I have a large placental lake. Before today I had never heard of this so, naturally, after my doctors appointment I took to Google.

Here's a basic description for you: Placental lakes are enlarged spaces in the placenta filled with maternal blood. Think of the placenta like a hunk of swiss cheese and the holes are filled with blood.


So what does that mean for me and the baby? Thankfully nothing serious. Small placental lakes are quite normal to find on ultrasounds and do not pose a risk to mom or baby. There is no associated risk of hemorrhage or growth concerns. In my case, the lake is quite big. Measuring 8cm long by 2cm deep (can't remember how wide). There is a possibility that my baby could experience some slight growth issues but as of now everything is on schedule and he/she is measuring normally. 

Where do we go from here? My ultrasound is being sent to a specialist and they will be meeting with me directly to consult on my case specifically. We will likely have a few more ultrasounds to monitor the lake and ensure no complications.

For more information: I found this blog entry helpful CLICK HERE

Big Butts and Back Pain

This week has been a big one for weight gain. I've put on about 5 lbs just this week alone. My total weight gain is now 17lbs and slightly above the normal range for where I am in my pregnancy. That being said I never would have guessed by looking at my figure that I'm up that much. I'm still all belly and the rest of my body is pretty similar. If I had to guess I'd say my butt has gained a few pounds, although it nicely balances out my belly LOL.

With my expanding midsection I've started to experience some back pain. From what I can self diagnose, it is posterior pelvic pain. It hovers around my sacrum and spreads into either side of my butt. Pretty much everything you do daily can aggravate it. Climbing stairs, walking/jogging, rolling in bed, sitting too long, etc etc. I'm pretty sure I brought it on myself during a yoga class. I remember hugging my knees to my chest on my back and being able to roll on a sore spot, ever since then it has been irritated. My plan of action is to avoid doing that from now on. 

Week 20 - Half Way!

Quick Recap: Officially half way through. LOTS of kicking. More mood swings. Skin continues to clear.

Peanut's Progression: 6.5 inches long. 10 ounces. Starting digestion. Covered in vernix to protect the skin.

Our Ultrasound

Easily the most amazing moment so far. Almost an hour of watching our baby move and wiggle. We won't get confirmation from our doctor until next week that everything looks as it should but as far as I'm concerned our baby is perfect!

Some of my favourite moments were:
- watching the heart pump and seeing the little arms flail around
- seeing the perfect outline of the feet. Just so cool to see these tiny feet with cute little toes!
- looking at the profile and seeing the baby practice sucking, swallowing bits of amniotic fluid.

We went to MedRay in Coquitlam and they were just excellent! Our tech, Victoria, was so lovely. Very kind and appreciative of how special the moment is for us. The clinic itself is clean and nicely modeled. Even the reception staff are very nice. They also provide a few photos for free :)

Mood Swings

I'd rather not re-live me losing my mind this week but I must admit I lost all control of my emotions. A completely out of character freak out. I won’t divulge the details but it involved some serious yelling and hysterical crying.  Hopefully I got it out of my system because in the days since that freak out I have been happy go lucky normal me!

We are now officially closer to the end than the beginning... so crazy!

Week 19 - A New Big Girl Bra!

Quick Recap: Fastest week yet! Tired (mostly from working too much). Belly button now flat. Strongest kicks yet.

Peanut's Progression: 6 inches long. 9 ounces in weight. Starting to swallow amniotic fluid. Kidneys continue to make urine. Hair on the scalp is sprouting.  If it's a baby girl, she already has roughly six million eggs in her ovaries.

Holy Cleavage Batman!

For any male readers kindly sit on your hands while I discuss my new big girl boobies. Pre-pregnancy I was usually around a 32B depending on where I was in my cycle that bra could be tight or loose. Small lil ladies that fit my small frame. Now that the hormones are flying around like cottonwood in Spring I've graduated to a big girl's 36B (and there isn't much room left)! Never, did I think I could toss on an unpadded bra of that size and fill it out let alone have cleavage.

My favourite game is putting on a slightly too small bra and reveling in my new found cleavage. I mean those suckers touch without any effort on my part! 

Belly Button Obsession

It's not lost on me that this is weird but it's tame compared to some of the topics I've discussed. I am obsessed with touching my belly button. IT'S SO SOFT! Yep, I'm officially a total weirdo. But I just can't help it. My belly button has started to pop out (just at the very top) and the rest of it is flush with my belly. I was never a belly button fondler before but now that its all out in everyone's business its hard not too. And let's review the logic of the softness... the belly button has spent its whole life tucked away in darkness away from any stimulation. No rubbing fabric, no scratches or cuts. So naturally its like the softest skin EVER! The ironic part of all of this... I really dislike outies. Pregnancy is probably the only exception to that rule.

The Source of True Happiness

Every little kick, punch or wiggle is an instant smile on my face. Last week, perhaps because of the baby's position, I didn't feel as much movement. But the past 3 days the kicking and moving has really ramped up. The other night Steve and I tried something new. We used his stethoscope to listen to the baby's kicks. It was the neatest thing! You could hear all the tummy grumbles and then these little thumps. So fun! The kicks are pretty visible now too.

I've been trying to figure out my fundus height (how far up my uterus reaches) and after staring at my stomach move for quite a while we saw a strong kick right at my belly button. As per Baby Center, that is right where it should be!


Ultrasound next week!!!

Must Have Maternity Items

I tried to put off wearing maternity clothes for quite a while before finally giving in and realizing they are the best clothes ever!!! It can be pricey to fully outfit a new wardrobe to accommodate your new shape but a few basics will really extend your existing clothing.

Old Navy is my favourite place to purchase maternity clothing. They have mastered the basic. Also, as a slim person I can find clothing small enough for me. Destination Maternity was my least favourite store. It's pricey and mostly has medium and large sizes, even the smalls are too large.

In my opinion, must have maternity items include:

Jeans

I have a pair of both "full panel" and "under belly" jeans. Both are comfortable, on cold days I would probably opt for the full panel. I think its good to have a boot cut jean and a skinny. I am pregnant during fall/winter/spring and love boots so the skinny works best for me, but later on the boot cut will be good with sandals or flats.

Leggings/Tights

Just because regular leggings are stretchy does not mean they will be comfortable once you pop. I thought for sure my yoga pants would stretch enough and after a long yoga class I quickly realized they were just too tight on my tummy. Maternity leggings and tights are cut specifically to allow room for your belly, regular leggings may work for a while but eventually that waistband will dig in and give you an unslightly double tummy.

Tanks/T-shirts

These are essential for extending your current wardrobe. I have lots of cardigans and hoodies that I just wear unbuttoned/unzipped and a good maternity tank or tee gives you a nice fitting layer for underneath. When you get too warm for your sweater you'll want to have something cute that fits nice underneath. I happen to LOVE the shirts that are "shirred" or "gathered" at the sides, makes for a more flattering fit although depending how they are made they can sometimes be itchy.

Fancy Outfit

It may be tough to spend the money on a dress or outfit you will only wear a handful of times but don't forget how much better you will feel when you get ready for that special event and you have something beautiful that fits you well to put on.

My Purchases 

I've been very lucky to have Steve and my Mom/Dad buy me the majority of my maternity items. The total spent is probably near $400 for the following:


5 tank tops (Old Navy)
1 t-shirt (Old Navy)
2 long sleeve tees (Old Navy)
2 sweaters (Old Navy)
2 jeans (Old Navy and Thyme)
2 dresses (Thyme and Motherhood)
1 belly band (unknown)
2 leggings (Old Navy)
3 fancy tops (Destination Maternity & Thyme)

The great thing is that the more expensive items will work after baby too because they aren't obviously maternity items.

Week 18 - Clinically Insane I'm Sure

Taken minutes apart, totally different looking belly

Quick Recap: Mood swings are back. 10lbs up. All maternity clothes all the time. Baby is crazy active before bed. Skin is the best its been, and yet my doctor notices the acne for the first time!? WTF


Peanut's Progression: Almost 6 inches long. 6.5 ounces (about the weight of a chicken breast). Bones are hardening. Can yawn now. Nerves are making connections especially the senses (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching)


You Sure I'm Not Clinically Insane?

When looking up insane and irrational in the dictionary my face is now officially pictured beside the definition. The majority of this week was "normal" but my moments of insanity were off the charts.

I dare you to try and find logic in these two instances: 

1) I woke up stiff from sleeping in one spot too long. Even after shifting to the other side I was uncomfortable. So what do I do? Almost burst into tears because its the worst thing ever! WHY OH WHY at 28 years old do my hips ache like I'm 80!? And WHY is Steve taking up 40% of the bed! I mean talk about a bed hog! And this damn body pillow! Could it take up any more real estate? Wait, no. I'm sorry pillow, I love you. Oh and Steve... yes I love Steve too. Cooper (our cat) thinks this is a perfect time to walk up and stand on my sore hip. I'm immediately even more upset until moments later I realize it is actually helping. Smart kitty.

2) After a normal shift at work, no annoying callers, no major mistakes, I head home and the moment I walk in the door everything begins to irritate me. Like EVERYTHING! My internal thoughts included (but are not limited to) "why are the boys home right now" "No, why is he leaving me to go to the gym" "what is wrong with this water" "could these 5 minute fries cook any slower" "SHUT UP fire alarm! I'm NOT burning dinner" "Where is the hammer, this fire alarm must die"

Yet Another New Name 

In the past week our little babe has become very active and strong! Without fail, during my shifts at work I will feel little shifts and kicks here and there. Then at night, as soon as the lights go out, it's party time! All that wiggling has brought on a new nick name... Wiggles!

Tuesday night Wiggles was particularly wiggly (notably after 2 bowls of gelato). 10 minutes of constant kicking, punching and back flips. I could feel the movements in so many places I have actually started to worry there is a party of two in there.... Oh... My... Gawd... That will be a whole new level of freakout if we find out its twins. But it couldn't be. Right!? I mean there are no twins in our families. The 1st ultrasound only showed one baby. Our doctor has only ever found one heart beat... Right!? It can't be twins RIGHT!? Please someone talk me down from this ledge!

Most Magical Sound

I caught the baby's kick on video this week and although I share A LOT on social media, I also think we share too much. Too many intimate moments become public moments and lose their "specialness". So with that being sad, I've decided not to share the baby kick video. That is a special moment for only those closest to me.

However!!! I do want to share with you the "whomp whomp whomp" sound I described in Week 13. It's not super clear but you can hear the heartbeat behind the clicking noises. Ahhh I've listened to this clip too many times to count, just the most amazing thing!



2 weeks to the halfway mark and only days till we get to see our lil wiggles again!

The Best Pregnancy Apps

From the moment I found out I was pregnant I began feverishly downloading apps and then deleting them because I didn't like them or they weren't very functional. I have an Android phone so there may be other apps that are awesome and only on iPhone but here are the ones I've tried, best to worst:



1) Baby Bump

Very easy to navigate. Gives you daily tips (even some for Dads). Weekly update includes your body, your baby and a health tip. Good message board/community features. You can upload a baby bump photo each week and it creates a separate album in your phone. Has a daily journal feature where you can track weight, cravings, mood, energy appetite etc. Looks nice too.










2) Baby Center

Calendar looks like a schedule allowing you to skip ahead or go back to previous tips. Weekly updates include interactive photos. Every couple of weeks there is also a video showing what your baby is doing inside. It has a checklist of things you should do ie- doctors appointment, do pelvic floor exercises etc. Does not have a photo upload feature.










3) What to Expect Pregnancy Tracker

Basically a mobile version of the book. Each weekly update includes the exact excerpt from the book. Nice simple home screen. Easy to navigate. Weekly update shows what dates you are in a certain week ( I like this for future planning, ie- how far along will I be at Christmas). Does have a photo upload but I haven't used it (I prefer my Baby Bump). Pretty basic. No extra frills. Good information though.










4) I'm Expecting

Gives you good information but seems to be off when telling you what week you are in. Most give you the week you are entering (ie- you are 17 weeks therefore you are entering week 18), this leaves you in the week you have completed. No daily tips. No photo upload. Does give you the option to enter doctor information and symptoms.










 
5) Happy Pregnancy

Very cheap looking. I think the dates are off slightly when it comes to trimesters. Baby image is even worse than Pregly. Weekly information is limited. Random facts are not related to your stage of pregnancy. Does have a neat weight feature, shows where you should be at for weight gain for your week.  Includes a contraction timer. A very basic journal.










6) Pregly

Very budget looking. Image of baby is just a pencil drawn cartoon essentially. Limited information in your weekly update. Tips/Facts are random and not associated to your stage of pregnancy. Baby name function is just a massive list of names. No way to sort or select names, kind of useless.

Week 17 - I Finally Gave In...

Quick Recap: Nothing major to report this week. Stable moods. Skin is decent. Up 6lbs from pre-pregnancy weight. No dizziness. Back in the gym. Feel like my usual self.

Peanut's Progression: 5 inches long. Weighs 5 ounces. Hiccuping. Forming some baby fat. Eyes are in the right spot. Practicing sucking. Fingerprints will form in the next week :)

New name for "Peanut":

For the past few months Steve and I have been calling our lil bundle of joy "Peanut". Well that name has overstayed its welcome. We tossed around a few ideas before coming to the final conclusion. Our roomie suggested "Corn Nut" because the baby has functioning ears now. Get it? Ears... Corn...

Then he suggested "Peanut Butter" so in the 3rd trimester we could call it "Peanut Butter Cup". His logic is actually pretty smart however it doesn't solve the problem that "Peanut" has been overused. So I went on a Google mission and found a lot of name nicknames, like "Frank" or "Maude". Didn't love that idea because we won't know if its a boy or girl. Randomly one morning Steve said "what about minion?!" It's already gotten its fair share of negative response (especially from my Mom who refuses to say it). In our mind it's a reference to the adorable yellow dudes from Despicable Me that I'm in love with.

Maternity Clothes

WHY did I ever fight this!? Maternity jeans (or as I also like to call them, "eating pants") are only the best invention EVER! I went to a great consignment sale in Vancouver and picked up a great pair of full panel maternity jeans for $17.50. They look brand new! So much so that the blue dye still bleeds on my fingers and socks.

As for other clothing finds, I picked up a belly band for $5 to hopefully extend the life of my non-maternity jeans and a great dress that will also work post pregnancy with some slight alterations.

After having a minor breakdown while staring at my closet and exclaiming "I have nothing to wear!" we made a trip to Old Navy for a few basics. I picked up the following items and LOVE them all $100 well spent.

Full panel leggings in dark grey
Polka dot sweater in navy
Cowl neck sweater in black and silver
Ruched tank in white, navy and grey

Baby on a Budget

The single biggest fear when it comes to having a baby (at least for me) is how in the world we will every pay for it all. I work part-time and do not get any top up benefits from work. I will be bringing in EI only. I've supported myself without any help from others since I moved out at 20 and the idea of having to rely on Steve as the income earner is tough. I don't want him to resent my inability to contribute an equal amount to the household. Nor do I want him to feel pressured to make more money and be away at work more.

When I really sit back and think about it, we are not in a dire situation by any means and somehow everyone makes it work, no matter how much or little money you have. I remind myself that babies need love more than anything, not a fancy crib or the trendiest stroller. They don't care and will never remember.

I am so amazed at the generosity of others! Some close friends have offered to share items with me which is amazing but the part that really surprised me is how people whom I haven't spoken to in 10 years are willing to fill my car with whatever items I could possibly need. It's as though every Mom and Dad out there remember being overwhelmed by the idea of providing for a child and want to make it as easy as possible for others.

So a HUGE (note the appropriate use of this word, not related to weight ;) ) thank you to each and every person who has given or lent us items already and may in future. My heart really is overflowing with joy and love and gratitude.


If you haven't had a chance to answer my "Belly Bets" questionnaire, check it out here. Have your say if you think its a boy or girl. When I'll give birth. How many hours of labour. Etc etc etc.

Now Taking Belly Bets!!!

I'll post updated predictions on a weekly basis... So far its 61% Girl... 

Here are some common wives tales and where I fit in to help you :)

Heart rate: 
Above 140bpm = Girl. Below 140bpm = Boy. 
My baby was 151 last appointment.

Shape of Belly:
If you are carrying high with a big, round belly, you are having a girl. If you are carrying low with a smaller belly that sticks straight out, it’s a boy. 
I am carrying low and its as though I swallowed a basketball.


Acne:
If you have acne while pregnant, it’s a girl. It’s thought that acne during pregnancy is caused by the extra hormones.  
I've had terrible acne the whole time

Cravings:
People believe that if you are craving salty foods while pregnant, you can count on having a boy. If you crave sweets, fruit, and orange juice, you are having a little girl.  
All I can say is sour keys and apples...


Mom’s Beauty:
It is said that the girl “steals” the mother’s beauty. If you think that pregnancy has never made you look more beautiful, a little boy it is.
This one is up to you to decide

Side You Most Rest On:
If a pregnant woman prefers to lay on her left side, she’s having a boy. If she prefers resting on her right side, she’s having a girl.
I sleep on my back (cleared by my doc) and right side

Dad’s Weight Gain:
If the dad-to-be gains weight while you are pregnant, it’s a girl. If he doesn’t gain weight, you’re having a boy.
Steve is still at his pre-pregnancy weight... lol

Morning Sickness:
If you had a smooth pregnancy with no morning sickness, it’s a boy. If you were sick or felt really nauseous during your pregnancy, count on a girl.
I was nauseous but never sick

Protein:
When a pregnant woman craves meat and cheese, count on a boy.
Love me some cheese and steak, aversions to all other meat though.

Feet:
Are your feet colder now that you are pregnant? If so, you just might be having a boy. If your feet have stayed the same before pregnancy and during, you’re having a little girl
My tootsies are colder

Headaches:
If you are having headaches, you might be carrying a boy 
Yep, roger that on the headaches

 

Survey hosted by Surveylyzer

Week 16: Fat jokes ALREADY!?

OMG OMG OMG this cannot wait for its own section!

I can feel our little miracle move! Last week at yoga (which was much better this time around btw) my Mom told me she felt me move around 16 weeks. I thought it was going to take much longer so I quickly became OBSESSED with feeling the baby flutters. I poked my belly intentionally to try and make Peanut wiggle just so I could see if I can feel it.

A few nights during the week I thought I felt some new movements/feelings but wasn't always sure. Then after the gym I DEFINITELY felt it! I was driving home and felt a distinct long flutter in my abdomen, too low to be mistaken for tummy gurgles. Wow! I mean he/she must have been doing a backflip it felt so neat! Ahhh just typing this makes me so excited to feel that little flutter again! Amazing!

***NEW FEATURE*** 
Peanut's Progression: About 4.5 inches long (from head to bum). Weighs about 3 ounces. Ears are functioning, meaning he/she can hear my terrible singing. Has eyebrows and eye lashes.

Quick Recap: Still occasional headaches. Pants are getting tight. Nasal congestion. Back in the gym! Much less moody.


Fat jokes... ALREADY!?!:

Part of me didn't want to post this as it seems to just attract the attention the poster was looking for but it's also a super common problem for pregnant women and it deserves a discussion.

This week I posted the photo on the left on my Facebook page and it got this comment from a man "OMG you are huge! We should get you a country radio station and call you big rig"

WTF is wrong with you. That is a joke!? Weight is already an issue for almost every woman out there and now you want to tell a pregnant one who isn't even half way through that she is huge?! Fuck you. And to top it off, after telling him that it is a terrible thing to say to a pregnant woman, he tells me to "calm your hormones".

Too many friends have shared with me the "big" "huge" "large" comments men (I'm sure women have done it too) have made directly to them during their pregnancy.  Do NOT by any means describe a pregnant woman using an adjective that could mean big, ever. Instead stick with the safe and polite comment "Congratulations! You look great!" Done and done, everyone leaves the situation happy and you can comment to your friends later about how you think she looks like a blimp.

Although the commenter on my Facebook page would never know, his timing was actually terrible which brings me to the next topic....

Gym insecurities:

The same day that "big rig" comment was made I had my first gym workout since my belly has popped and my dizziness has subsided. It was good and bad. Good because I finally had energy to get through a whole workout without being lightheaded or really out of breath, and I even had energy for the rest of the day. Bad because it brought up a whole new level of body issues. Hence why the fat joke was really bad timing.

When I got pregnant I was at my physical fitness peak. I was the girl in the gym that could lift with the boys. When at my ladies only gym, I used the heaviest available weights and was proud of it, in fact sometimes frustrated that I didn't have access to heavier weights. First world problems, I know. So, instead of flashing my toned legs in shorts, and my flat abs in a tight tank, I wore my comfy and stretched out Lululemons, a t-shirt and a hoodie.

It was a strange battle in my mind, at first I was excited to show off my bump but then it halted with the thought that other people may not know its a baby. Maybe they think I'm at the gym because I love donuts too much. These thoughts only got worse as I found myself unable to push myself physically. I was the lazy girl at the gym, who wasn't working hard enough to see results. I made every effort to push my tummy out more to make it CLEAR it was a tiny human miracle and not a Krispy Kreme... or 10.

Thankfully these thoughts don't arise on many occasions but it sure showed me how much insecurity I really do have and how tough this process really can be. It's not just the realizations that you are going to be a Mom (which in itself is more than enough to handle) but its also coping with your physical changes and accepting your new body for the miraculous human growing machine that it is.


I'm aware that this weeks entry wasn't the most upbeat with the negative weight comment and my insecurities at the gym but I suppose in a way it reflects the true nature of pregnancy. One minute you are on top of the world and the very next moment one simple thing can ruin that feeling. A happy week 17 here we come!

Week 15: I Am One Moody Foodie!

One of many future prego selfies

You know whats amazing about being pregnant? The love and support you receive from other pregnant women and Moms. There is a lot of judgement amongst women but I'm learning quickly there is MORE love! A big thank you to everyone who has sent a supportive and caring message to me. I so appreciate you taking the time to read my blog and send me loving messages about your experiences and your words of support through the tougher days.

Quick Recap: Bump is back, and I'm starting to love it. Energetic but moody. Still rockin some acne but not nearly as bad. Abs are officially MIA.

Peanut's Progression: About 3.5 - 4 inches long. About 2.5 ounces in weight. Praciting breathing and sucking.  Kicking and wiggling around. Ears are in the right spot.


I'm a proverbial swing set, moooody!

Holy wow am I ever moody! Tuesday: every word out of anyones mouth made me irritated and I was very easily frustrated. Wednesday: LOVING life. Happiest person ever. Loved my bump and dressed it up accordingly (see photo) but then on the way home from work I spent the whole car ride in a full fledged ugly cry listening to my Luke Bryan album. Thursday: wake up feeling playful but it quickly slides downhill when I eat my PB and toast, "WHY do I need to chew this bite 500 times just to swallow it!? I don't have time for this!!!" Yep, that was my actual thought process. Thankfully I have the most patient and supportive partner ever! He never stoops to my crazy level, instead he just speaks calmly and lets me have my moment of insanity praying it will pass soon.

Food!!! Oh how I love thee!

HELLOOO appetite! YES! Finally, I have my normal appetite back, I'm not talking quantities, I'm talking variety. I'm back to having complete meals with protein, veggies and whole grains. I'm glad to know the apps were right when they said you will make up for lack of nutrition later on in pregnancy when your morning sickness subsides. Oddly enough I can walk past the candy aisle and the sour keys no problem now.

Yoga

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a huge lover of yoga. I try to practice regularly and love to challenge myself with new inversions, like these. Being pregnant means you need to adjust your practice. Things like the direction you twist and avoiding work on your stomach are the most common adjustments. For me, I can no longer perform back bends the way I used to. It's as though my abs seize and I can only stretch about 1/3 of the way. Gone are the days of bribing Steven to take endless photos or video of me being bendy.

I'm having to really shift my expectations for my yoga classes, and in fact do what the teachers always tell you to "just be, don't have any expectations". I find myself frustrated after class because I can't do things the way I used to. Thursday nights are now officially my yoga night with Mom so tonight I will be practicing acceptance of my new capabilities. 

Colostrum

For you sensitive folk that don't enjoy my "tell it like it is approach" to the physical changes occurring you can stop reading now. Consider yourself warned.

I was shocked to read in my apps that around week 14 my baby feeders would start producing colostrum. All I could think was "Wow! This soon?" and then it was immediately followed by "Hmmm I wonder if I just...." Yup, if you say I can do something you better believe I'm going to try. Sure enough during a nice warm bath I managed to express some. My face must have been priceless. They work! They totally work!!!

Of course I couldn't keep this news to myself, I text one of my close Mom friends and she had a good laugh with me. Then when Steve came home I prefaced my comment with "You're going to think I'm weird but...". The best part was his reaction. He high fived me and exclaimed "Right on! Atta girl!" HAHA


Anxiously awaiting that first flutter of movement and counting down to the half way mark... 5 weeks left

I'm turning into THAT Mom...

Peanut isn't even here yet and I'm already turning into THAT Mom...

You know the one, finds the inappropriate in everything! Perfect example is Lady Gaga's new song "Do What You Want". I was listening to it on the way to work and started thinking how in the world would I explain this song to my son or daughter. "Do what you want to my body" Are you kidding me!? WTF Gaga.

As a radio personality, controversial songs are nothing new to me but my perspective on them has changed overnight. I used to think these songs weren't really a big deal but now I picture my little girl singing along to them and I'm kinda horrified.

As the voice of reason for your child, how do you help them understand these sort of songs and how do you guide them in the right direction?!?!?!

PS - If I ever become the Mom who comments on multiple Facebook posts all up in arms over nothing, someone please slap me.

Week 14 - Weight, Faint and Taint

We didn't do this but it's too funny!

Ah yes! I've finally made it to the honeymoon phase! The much anticipated second trimester. To celebrate I take a moment to admire my changing pregnant body, glimpse down to revel in my biggest boobs ever HOLD UP! WTF ARE THOSE!? Blackheads?! Since when do those show up on milk jugs!! I mean it's better than hairy nipples but c'mon! I can't catch a break on the skin side of things!

Quick Recap: So dizzy! All the time! Yoga is not the same anymore. Up and down the weight goes. Tender titties no more. Forehead acne is clearing, good thing because I'm fed up with my bangs already. Baby bump retreated back in. Weird. Headaches regularly.


Weight: I'm going to weigh HOW MUCH!?

Oh the big 'ol weight number. How women love to avoid talking about it. For the past 8ish years I've been 125lbs with very little fluctuation. Well, there was the time I hopped on the scale after my 2 week trip to Spain and tipped the scales at 137lbs. That was nearly a mental breakdown. That hiccup aside, I'm generally very stable and work very hard to keep a fit body. I pride myself on my muscles but at the same time know weight gain is healthy in pregnancy. That being said, embracing the fact that I will weigh between 150lbs and 160lbs is challenging. Of course that number will be completely normal and vital to the development of Peanut, but still 160LBS!?!? Can I choose to delegate at least a few of those pounds to my boobs? 

And talk about weight fluctuations... my pre-pregnancy weight was 125lbs, next time I weighed myself it was 129, then it was 124, then 122, then 130 (3 days later). What the hell!? I've never seen fluctuations like that ever! As T.Swift would say, like ever ever! I suppose it has to do with the whole slow bowels and retaining water thing? One good... ummm... movement... and I shed pounds, HAHA some people would kill for that!

Faint: Would the REAL Niki Saunders please sit down...

On a daily basis my life is controlled by my blood pressure. To give you an idea of how low it is... normal blood pressure (as per Heart and Stroke Foundation) is between 120/80 and 129/84. I can tell which days my pressure is really low by how long I can stay upright, on those days I measure around 92/60. LOW!  On good days I'm around 100/60, still low but I can at least stay standing. (This is actually totally normal for pregnancy but it is a total pain in the ass!)

Just this morning I went to Starbucks for a yummy Caramel Apple Spice and could hardly get through my order because I had to sit down to keep from fainting. We are talking a whole 2 minutes of standing before almost making a scene unintentionally.

Taint: Yes! The taint you are thinking, you dirty bird

I was asked this week if I was going to get an episiotomy (where the doctor cuts you to prevent tearing during birth) and I had to really think about it. I've heard horror stories about tears but started wondering about other preventative methods. Then I remember my best girl talking to me about massaing you perineum aka your taint... you know that piece of skin in between you HooHa and your, well I don't have a nickname for it so ummmm, the other hole. Do you feel like we are closer already?! This is bonding in case you were unsure.

So the idea is that you rub and massage that sexy lil spot (or your partner does it, whatever your into, I'm not judging) and it's meant to allow the skin to stretch more during a vaginal birth and thus little or no tearing... The way I figure it, there are a lot of things that aren't sexy about pregnancy so let's just add this to the pile and hubby/boyfriend/partner will thank you post pregnancy when you can get jiggy with it sooner than later!

Week 15 here we come.... 

Week 13 - Sarcasm Sucks, Bump Denial, Whomp Whomp

Almost one week post announcing Peanut to the world (well at least Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest):

I received so many lovely messages and comments from both people close to me and those whom I've never met. It would be impossible to feel unloved and unsupported after an outpouring like I received. Amazing! And I am truly thankful!

Quick Recap:

WHY is my morning sickness back!? WTF!!! Seriously its like Week 7 all over again!  Down 3lbs from pre-pregnancy weight, again WTF. Baby Bump be poppin. Very dizzy. Foods taste funny, not in a good way.

Sarcasm Sucks!

There is one joke that is getting old, FAST. "Hey congratulations! You should name your kid after me!" Many things have exited the building during my pregnancy, like for example, my ability to jog up the stairs without being short of breath or how about blow drying my hair and my arms going numb in mere minutes. Along with that, my usual appreciation for sarcasm has also left, I'm one big party pooper when it comes to "jokes" regarding my pregnancy. This is the biggest and most serious life change for me, EVER, you joking about it means you are trivializing it. Visualize Joker saying "why so serious", because I'm f*$&ing pregnant that's why!

When thinking about why the name joke in particular bugs me and possibly other prego peeps, this is what I came up with. We spend hours obsessing over names, sifting through baby names online, in books or in apps. We find one we love, our partner hates it. Like most people we purposely avoid using names of those we know or have had bad experiences with. Case and point: I will never name my child Brendan because of a kid in elementary school who used to steal the swings. However, Brandon could totally be a contender all because of a couple different vowels!

I will not share our favourite names with you but I can assure you it will not be your name. (my internal dialogue as I finish writing that mini rant is that Mothers will understand non-Moms will not, a statement I always resented before getting pregnant.)

From what I can remember (baby brain) 5 people have said this to me so far. 

The imminent bump!

After weeks of waiting for the inevitable baby bump to show I now find myself in denial that it is really here. This couldn't possibly be a baby bump, I'm just bloated, for the 13th week in a row! I mean c'mon, lil Peanut is only 3 inches long, how could such a tiny baby make my pants tight. Stage 1 of denial consists of laying on my back in bed and running my hands over my abdomen deciding if I've popped out more or not. Stage 2 of denial, staring at my belly profile in the mirror (pre- morning pee) and convincing myself its just my full bladder that pushes my stomach out. Stage 3 of denial, re-evaluating my side profile post morning pee. Stage 4 of denial, flexing my abs to show the "true baby bump" and not just me pushing out my bump.

I suppose the real sign that my belly is growing, and not from too many sour keys (oooh totally just remembered I bought more! Snack time!), is that although I can button up my jeans and wear them normally, the second I eat anything that button HAS to be undone. I pull a full on Al Bundy and pop open my pants and slip my hand in the waist band to rub my tummy. Some of my sexiest moments!

Part of me is sad to admit I'm actually having a hard time embracing my belly. I've always been thin, and my stomach was always my favourite part of my body. Now I'm really struggling to accept that it is constantly pushed out and I'm trying very hard to love and accept it. By far the biggest body change of my life and it's just going to take some time to adjust. Anyone else have these kind of issues? How did you manage to feel sexy again?


Whomp Whomp Whomp Whomp

THAT is the best description in word form I can think of to describe Peanut's heartbeat. I had another doctors appointment and was able to hear the lil heart beat for a much longer time than at my dating ultrasound. His estimate was about 150bpm. It was strong and steady and couldn't have made me any happier. Miscarriage has been a very big problem for the women on my Mom's side of the family so getting past the 1st trimester and hearing such a great heart beat was exactly what I needed to know everything was going exactly as hoped.

New this week:

I won't be able to feel kicks for a few weeks still but on occasion I totally know where Peanut is just by feel! When I press on my uterus I can feel the spaces where it is empty and easy to press in, and then there will be one spot where it feels "full" and that there is something in the way. A lil human, that's what's in the way!!! ;) 

UPDATE: Can't really tell where Peanut is anymore, all of a sudden everything has firmed up and I can't really feel anything but firm muscle.

So I peed on a stick... you know what that means!

I'm PREGNANT!!!

Steve and I are expecting our first bundle of joy late April ( I'm convinced its actually early May). When I started writing this post I was 9 1/2 weeks along and had only told close friends and family. Being in a career that is driven very strongly by social media I waited to post anything on any website until I passed the "safe zone" and had notified work.

In the short journey so far I'm realizing I am going to have A LOT to share and write about and I'm hoping to do it in a very REAL and humourous way.

So, let's be real, its my first baby and I am OBSESSED with my pregnancy apps. I check all 6 of them every single day, often, more than once. I know exactly what fruit our lil Peanut resembles although he/she is much more alien like than fruit like. At this point the tail is gone, thank god! But Peanut still has a massive head in comparison to its body, here's hoping that doesn't mean it also has a big ego (ugh bad joke, sorry).

Two of the things that have stuck out in my mind thus far is:

EXERCISE: pregnancy apps will tell you going to the gym will help battle your fatigue. LIES LIES LIES!!! I was very active prior to being pregnant and in the past couple of weeks I could sleep all day everyday. The days I do manage to get my ass out of pajamas and into workout clothes and then actually get to the gym I am more exhausted than ever! I am winded just looking at the gym, let alone actually getting a sweat on. My lungs attempt to leap from my chest after only 10 minutes on the stairmaster and because my blood flow has changed and blood pressure is really low, the day after my workout I have REALLY sore muscles.

OPINIONS: they really are like assholes, everyone has one. The best "advice" I've gotten comes from my good friend Lindsay who said "if I can give you one piece of advice, it would be not to listen to any negative advice". I've realized that dealing with women spewing unsolicited advice and opinions at you, often while you are completely sober and they are not, is your first training in patience before your baby comes. It is a true challenge for me to just nod my head and say "mhmm" "oh really" "interesting point" when in my head I'm really screaming "how about you stop being such a bag and drink your damn wine that I'm sure is extra delicious just because I can't have any!!! AHHHHHHH ".

I won't write an entry for every week leading to now but how about a lil recap.

Week 4: Shit. I'm late. Peed on a stick (at work of all places). Waited. Shit. There are two lines. Tell Steve. He falls to his knees, then goes into stunned silence. Happy stunned silence.

Week 5: Go to the doctor. Blood tests. Tell the parentals. Steve's mom cries, my parents don't (talk about disappointing ;) ). Acne, so much acne. Go to Vegas for my birthday. Rock a bikini bloated as all hell.

Week 6: Boobs hurt. Roomate asks "how do they hurt? Like you got punched in the boob?". Have a few panic attacks about having a baby. Tell a couple friends. Nausea, all day. Pretzels and Preggie Pops are my lifesaver!

Week 7: May as well be a teenager again the way this acne is going. And now there are strange bumps all over my back, YUP this is just awesome. No glow for me. Still nauseous, mostly just in the morning. Created a pillowcase for a body pillow = BEST SLEEP EVER.

Week 8: Love me some sweets! Don`t even mention chicken or fish. Nausea is better but shows up at random time for no reason. No bump yet. Dating Ultrasound!!! See lil Peanut and it`s beating heart! Hear it too! AMAZING.

Week 9: Don`t touch me, poor Steve can`t win this battle. Acne STILL! Won`t get better so I got bangs to cover it! No weight gain, no bump, minimal bloating. F*$% You vitamins! I take them and instantly want to hurl.

Week 10: 2nd doctors appointment. Due date adjusted to May 2. I was right. He says I have a good pelvis, thanks Mom! Acne and nausea still here, like inlaws that visit for too long. Working in the voice track room at work makes me almost pass out. Have gained 4 pounds.

Week 11: Acne is finally starting to clear! Exhausted. Dizzy, most of the time. 2 days being the grumpiest human on earth! Told my boss, mostly because I'm a terrible liar. Tiny bump starting to show. Minimal nausea.

Week 12: Finally starting to feel human again. More rested, better moods. Still lightheaded and dizzy, a lot. Haven't actually gained 4 pounds. Weight just goes up and down. Time to launch this blog!!!

I'm Baaaaack!

Wow! It has been a LONG time since I last blogged and a lot has changed. I've moved from Kamloops back to Vancouver. Worked at Virgin 953 for a year and am now with 93.7 JRfm announcing on the weekends.

I was reading through the old comments on here and came across one that stated "you must have found your zen place as you are no longer ranting or blogging". In a way, that is very true.

I took a life changing trip to Costa Rica last year for a yoga retreat and came out a much better and more calm person.

In the coming weeks I will be launching a new (hopefully, weekly) blog post. I can't share any details just yet but look forward to a more humorous side of my writing. My goal is for people to relate and laugh and share as well...

Hope to see you back in a couple weeks :)

Much love and less ranting!
Niki